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One Gig Hard Drive

by Kitty & The Rooster

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  • Compact Disc (CD) + Digital Album

    Good old fashioned compact disc for those of you that like to get your paws on something physical or still have a CD player in your van!

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1.
We're like Shovels & Rope,with no baby We're like The Pack AD, with less ladies We're like The White Stripes, with a cocktail kit We're like The Black Keys, with better tits Kitty & The Rooster We're like John & Yoko, always hanging in bed We're like Sid & Nancy, with no one stabbed dead We're like Oprah & Stedman, we ain't tying the knot We're like Bonnie & Clyde, but we ain't getting shot Kitty & The Rooster We're like Barbie & Ken, with nipples & dick We're like Teller & Penn, but we ain't turnin' tricks We're like Starsky & Hutch, with an old minivan We're like Romeo & Juliet started a band Kitty & The Rooster
2.
Sexercise 03:33
Damn, that Rooster's so fine Sorry ladies, he's all mine That Rooster's a total fox, he's a souped up beefcake He's like Patrick Swayze and Keanu Reeves in Point Break He's a chiseled Adonis, a total smoke show He's got a hot bod and a hot rod that's always good to go Built like a brick shit house, struttin' around the hood How do you do it baby? How do you looks so damn good? The only exercise I get in this world Is carrying my amp and fucking my girl The only exercise I get in this world Is carrying my amp and fucking my girl Well, how do I do it? How do I look so damn good? Well lean in now friends and I'll make it understood I'm not Sweatin' to the Oldies, I'm not Dealin' a Meal No Zumba, no Rhumba, no Buns of Steel Thighmaster, Stairmaster, Master Cleanse, that's not for me No Bodybuilding, no Facebuilding, and I ain't gluten free Jazzercise and Strippercise, I never even gave them a chance No Shakeweight, no Slimfast, no Tribal Fusion Bellydance You don't need to feel the burn of no pain no gain There's only two rules to learn, this body's easy to maintain Step one: GRAB YOUR AMP Step two: FUCK YOUR GIRL And you'll be looking so good in this ugly ugly world The only exercise I get in this world Is carrying my amp and fucking my girl The only exercise I get in this world Is carrying my amp and fucking my girl
3.
You kicked the cock off of the block You kicked the kitty out of the city You bought the house, kicked us out the door You paid a million dollars to live like you're poor This used to be the cheap part of town Looks like we're gonna have to move to Kits to keep the rent down I hope you like it, I hope you like it here These young lawyer couples seem like they're slumming Buy high, sell higher, they say it's up & coming I hope you like it, I hope you like it here To all the moms with strollers in yoga pants Out jogging past the reduction plant I hope you like it, I hope you like it here You kicked the cock off of the block You kicked the kitty out of the city You bought the house, kicked us out the door You paid a million dollars to live like you're poor Oh my god, this neighbourhood is like so cool Isn't this where all the artists used to live? I hope you like it, I hope you like it here You gave us the boot with 900 square feet Now you're living in the skids in a house with no heat I hope you like it, I hope you like it here The walls in this old house are thin We can hear you fucking .... Fucking us over! I hope you like it, I hope you like it here You kicked the cock off of the block You kicked the kitty out of the city You bought the house, kicked us out the door You paid a million dollars to live like you're poor God hates homeowners God hates homeowners God hates homeowners God hates homeowners You kicked the cock off of the block You kicked the kitty out of the city You bought the house, kicked us out the door You paid a million dollars to live like you're poor
4.
It's got a good dance and you can beat to it She's eating Jelly Beans in her belly jeans She's mean as custard and keen as mustard She's eating popcorn watching cop porn She plays a B chord on the keyboard It's got a good dance and you can beat to it Ease my tears and tease my ears It's a roaring pain in the pouring rain Fighting a liar is like lighting a fire And a blind moan is a mind blown It's got a good dance and you can beat to it Sarah Palin was parasailin' So wave the sails and save the wales Our dear old queen is a queer old dean Go help me sod so help me God It's got a good dance and you can beat to it
5.
In Bed 03:28
I can't get no satisfaction ... in bed You can't always get what you want ... in bed With the lights out it's less dangerous ... in bed Here we are now entertain us ... in bed In bed, in bed, in bed, in bed Well I heard there was a secret chord That David played and it pleased the lord ... in bed In bed, in bed, in bed, in bed Tin soldiers and Nixon's coming ... in bed It was the summer of 69 ... in bed I'm picking up good vibrations ... in bed She'll be coming round the mountain when she comes ... in bed In bed, in bed, in bed, in bed Stop hey what's that sound Everybody look whats going down ... in bed In bed, in bed, in bed, in bed It's been a hard days night ... in bed Come together right now over me ... in bed Imagine all the people ... in bed I hope someday that you'll join us ... in bed In bed, in bed, in bed, in bed When I find myself in times of trouble Mother Mary comes to me ... in bed In bed, in bed, in bed, in bed Well I won't back down Cause now it's time for the Tom Petty break down Don't do me like that ... in bed Here comes my girl ... in bed You got lucky ... in bed Running down a dream ... in bed Don't come around here no more ... in bed Cause even the losers get lucky sometimes ... in bed In bed, in bed, in bed, in bed
6.
Lousy Lover 03:41
WRITTEN BY AL MADER AKA: THE MINIMALIST JUG BAND You're sitting with me, you came here alone You're wondering whether to take me home Well I'd be delighted, but first I should say That I'm a lousy lover, a lousy lay I'm a lousy lover, I'm a lousy lay No good in the sac, no good in the hay Conversation, that's my forte Cause I'm a lousy lover I'm a lousy lay My younger years were kind of a bore I was too shy to fuck, too shy to score Instead of Joy of Sex I read Jean-Paul Sartre Instead of falling in love, I just fell apart Well I'm not bragging and I'm not gay I'm just a lousy lover, a lousy lay I'm a lousy lover, I'm a lousy lay No good in the sac, no good in the hay Conversation, that's my forte Cause I'm a lousy lover I'm a lousy lay Confidentially, my confidence is shot I don't know what I am but I know what I'm not I'm no sex machine, that's not my claim to fame Casanova's not my middle name I'll sleep with you but I know what you'll say That I'm a lousy lover, a lousy lay I'm a lousy lover, I'm a lousy lay No good in the sac, no good in the hay Conversation, that's my forte Cause I'm a lousy lover I'm a lousy lay
7.
900 clicks with a band of dicks One gig hard drive, one gig hard drive On the road at 8 but we stayed up 'till 5 One gig hard drive, one gig hard drive Pays 300 costs 250 in gas One gig hard drive, one gig hard drive Drive all day for a gig in LA It's pay to play at dinnertime in a cafe One gig hard drive, one gig hard drive Lie to the other band and tell them they're great And can we borrow your drums and sleep at your place One gig hard drive, one gig hard drive There's nowhere to play in Thunder Bay One gig hard drive, one gig hard drive 8 hours, 5 guys, burgers and fries One gig hard drive, one gig hard drive Timmy's, DQ and a gas station poo One gig hard drive, one gig hard drive Yellowhead Highway waiting for a tow 4 days, 3 nights, all for one show One gig hard drive, one gig hard drive Blizzard on the Crowsnest, the van's losing power Hit the timezone and we lost another hour One gig hard drive, one gig hard drive From Alberta to BC for a soundcheck at 3 One gig hard drive, one gig hard drive It's the tenth time this year that we're playing for beer One gig hard drive, one gig hard drive You can't fix a flat with pass the hat One gig hard drive, one gig hard drive 120's too much money for a hotel when you're poor So we're sleeping in the bass case on the hardwood floor One gig hard drive, one gig hard drive You can't go home to that cute girl's bed Cause we're driving to Regina all-nighter instead One gig hard drive, one gig hard drive Sit in the car then you sit in the bar Sit in the car then you sit in the bar Sit in the car then you sit in the bar Sit in the car then you sit in the bar Sit in the car then you sit in the bar Sit in the car then you sit in the bar Sit in the car then you sit in the bar Sit in the car then you sit in the bar One gig hard drive, one gig hard drive One gig hard drive, one gig hard drive
8.
4 Non Yukon Concrete Platinum Blondie We Pedro'd the Lion We Caged the Elephant We Minus'd the Bear We Said The Whale We Fostered The People We Protested The Hero We Young'd the Giant We Mott'd the Hoople 4 Non Yukon Concrete Platinum Blondie It was a Three Dog Night at the Temple of the Dog We got The Byrds, The Eagles, A Flock of Seagulls Black Crows, Counting Crows, Howlin' Wolf, Steppenwolf Wolf Mother, Wolf Parade, Cat Power, Cat Stevens Modest Mouse, Danger Mouse, Grizzly Bear, Panda Bear Seal and Phish 4 Non Yukon Concrete Platinum Blondie Miami Sound Machine and the New York Dolls Alabama Shakes, of Montreal from coast to coast from town to town from Dehli to Dublin, it's all around Boston ... is a city band name Chicago ... is a city band name Kansas ... is a city band name Phoenix ... is a city band name Portishead ... is a city band name Beirut ... is a city band name Toronto ... is a city band name Chilliwack ... I ain't goin' back 4 Non Yukon Concrete Platinum Blondie It's a shitty band name
9.
Pay To Play 03:49
You ain't getting famous, you ain't getting paid The only one that's getting rich is Long and McQuade Spend all your time and money for a year or two The only payment you get is a good review Think of your scene and every band that you know The only ones that really made it are the ones that had the dough Pay to play, pay to play, pay to play, pay to play We don't pay to play, no we don't pay to play Our money only goes one way We don't pay to play You can get lost in all the bands in Austin Absorbing the cost and you pay your own way A folk music conference is a long way to go To play a hotel room show to folks you already know Even if you win a Juno and some fame, get on the cover of Exclaim! But with more players in the game the bottom line is still the same Pay to play, pay to play, pay to play, pay to play We don't pay to play, no we don't pay to play Our money only goes one way We don't pay to play Managers and agents will help you live your dreams But they drain your bank account like a pyramid scheme How do those industry guys all have a house and car When none of their bands ever make it that far? You think they're buying what you're selling, but they're selling to you You think that you're the farmer but you're really the food Pay to play, pay to play, pay to play, pay to play We don't pay to play, no we don't pay to play Our money only goes one way We don't pay to play We don't pay to play, we don't pay to play So maybe we'll die in obscurity, but we don't pay to play We don't pay to play We don't pay to play We don't pay to play
10.
Damp Cold 04:01
Cold as a witch's tit Cold as penguin shit Cold as the blood of a snake Cold as the sores on your face Wish I had a fever Heat up my little beaver Up here in the North babe, it's minus 43 At least we don't live down south West Coast of BC with your Damp, it's the damp cold Damp, gets in your bones Cold as a well-diggers ass Cold, my nipple's cutting glass Cold as a gut shot bitch Cold as Ötzi's dick Wish I had a fever Heat up my little beaver Up here in the North babe, it's minus 43 at least we don't live down south West Coast of BC with your Damp, it's the damp cold Damp, gets in your bones Wish I had a fever Heat up my little beaver
11.
Shameover 03:04
Shame shame double shame I've got a shameover I'm underslept, I'm overhung It's the morning after an all night run Bottoms up, shotgun, what have I done? I've got a shameover Shame shame double shame I've got a shameover Plastered in Paris I'm drunk as a skunk (Pepé le Puke) Flapping my yap and spewing some junk I'm just another duck trying to fuck me a hunk I've got a shameover Shame shame double shame I've got a shameover There's a bottle of ghosts dead in my bed Round and round that broken record shreds It's those little things I said that play in my head I've got a shameover Shame shame double shame I've got a shameover Shame shame Shame shame Shame shame Shame shame

about

Kitty & The Rooster’s debut album One Gig Hard Drive is a funny-because-it's-true romp across the Canadian backroads. The album documents the hilarious, and at times absurd, life of the un-famous travelling musician. With clever word play, laugh out loud scenarios and some “did they really just go there?” moments, Kitty & The Rooster tell-all with the kind of honesty usually only found within the four walls of a tour van.

One Gig Hard Drive invites you to get up and shake it with an old-fashioned surf stomp. The album is fortified with vintage guitar sounds, slapback vocals, dirty drums, and Kitty & The Rooster’s trusty backup singers The Cockettes.

credits

released September 21, 2018

★ JODIE PONTO - Drums and Vocals
★ NOAH WALKER - Guitar and Vocals

THE COCKETTES (tracks 2, 4, 5, 11)
Lindsay Pratt + Naomi Shore

Recorded + mixed by Corwin Fox
Hidden Well Studio, Cumberland

Track 3 recorded + mixed by Erik Nielsen
Afterlife Studio, Vancouver

The Cockettes recorded by Harry Gregg
Big Dreamer Sound, Edmonton

Mastered by Brock McFarlane
CPS Mastering, Vancouver

All songs written by Kitty & The Rooster
except Lousy Lover written by Al Mader, aka: The Minimalist Jug Band

Photos by Jodie Ponto

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Kitty & The Rooster Vancouver, British Columbia

Kitty & The Rooster is a surf rock n’ roll duo from Vancouver featuring Jodie Ponto on the stand-up cocktail drumkit and Noah Walker on electric guitar. They are known for their big sound, laugh out loud lyrics, and ridiculously fun shows.

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